What I Think Love Is

Loving someone isn't about giving yourself to them. It's not about sacrifice or need. Loving someone is not about making them happy at your own cost or expecting them to provide you with happiness. Loving someone is about sharing your warmth and happiness and helping them find their own.

Love is genuinely wanting someone to enjoy everything to the fullest without any expectations or selfishness. Loving someone is not about understanding their every thought and intention, it's about respecting and sympathizing with the ones you don't understand.

Love is not about fixing or saving someone and it's not about giving them happiness. Love is helping someone realize they never needed to be fixed to begin with and that their happiness is within them and not something that needs to be given by someone else. It's not about providing for each other, it's about providing for yourselves and being a source of positivity for each other.

Loving someone is not about becoming whole, it's knowing that you are already whole and sharing everything within you with another person. Love is about loving someone unconditionally and wanting them to know they are loved and important regardless of whether or not they feel the same way. It's about wholeheartedly wanting someone to be happy with zero expectation of anything in return. 

Meditation Changed My Perception of the Universe

     I've been seeing all these posts on Tumblr about how we are made of the same stuff the universe is made of. Basically, they seem like they're supposed to make you feel special because you're made of stars and that seems pretty magical. It's like, "Wow, I'm made of stars. Me and the universe are the same. I'm important and I sparkle." That's how it seemed to me at first and it seemed like a weird way to make people feel important in the world, which is cool and great if it makes someone feel special, but I just didn't get it. It made a little bit of sense to say that matter is never destroyed or created so all the matter in the universe is what made us but that's still difficult to grasp. I'm clearly human and made of skin and bones and muscle and fat while the universe is made of planets and giant balls of fire and black holes and gasses and light or who even knows what. So how could I have anything in common with the universe? How can you compare one single human being to the entirety of the INFINITE UNIVERSE? It's just a crazy comparison to make that really boggles my mind.  

     Then one day, I found a guided meditation on Youtube after searching through at least 5 before I found one without distracting background sounds and with a voice that didn't annoy me. I really like meditating and I try to do it as often as I can because it helps me calm my anxiety and release a lot of tension, plus it helps me sleep a lot easier and better. This one started out fairly normal with some breathing direction. A big part of it was imagining a small ball rolling along your body and massaging away any tension or pain which was different but I liked it. The thing about meditation that I really love is that I become so aware of my entire body all at once that I can't really even differentiate between a feeling in my foot and a feeling in my arm. I'll lay there with a hand resting across my stomach and go to adjust it and be utterly confused at the feeling on the skin of my stomach because I know that I just felt my hand move across my stomach, yet I can't even tell where my stomach is or where I felt it. It's the craziest thing. I feel like I become part of wherever I am. It's almost as if I'm actually a part of my bed and my bedroom and my blankets and my pillow (because I always meditate in bed before I go to sleep).  

     I don't remember exactly at what point the meditation took a turn and I don't even remember how long it was. It could've been ten minutes, but it also could've been an hour. I ended up falling asleep before I finished it (which usually happens) so I don't even know how long I meditated for. Eventually, though, the voice started telling me to picture the universe. It said to picture my ceiling opening up to reveal the night sky with the moon and all the stars and imagine that I am up there. Picturing the universe is like, well it's basically just trying to picture the universe. There's nothing you can compare it to because it's insane. How do you picture the universe? It goes on forever, it's full of stuff that we'll never see or even know exists. But I pictured the universe anyway. It told me to imagine I'm traveling through the universe, going through the stars, passing galaxies and planets and suns. This is pretty weird to do when your only idea of what the universe looks like is from looking at the sky at night and seeing movies set in space. My imagination totally took over and I felt like I was really out in space and exploring parts of the universe and existence that I could never possibly see.  

     The thing that makes meditation so crazy to me is that it's kind of like dreaming. That's the best way I can describe it. I lay there with my eyes closed and my brain and my imagination take over my visuals because all I'm looking at is the darkness of the back of my eyelids while I'm thinking about my the expanding and contracting of my lungs or the blood pumping from my heart through my body or traveling through the universe. So I see everything vividly like in a dream and it feels completely real. I get to see these wonderful things and it's the sort of stuff you see in dreams that seems really crazy and you can't explain it and you know it's not possible, except you're awake and just in a really calmed state of consciousness. It's like the voice guiding the meditation tells me what to think about, I think about it, and my brain just shows it to me. It's almost like a lucid dream. I know it's not real and that I'm really laying in bed and that what I'm seeing is not at all true, yet it's real to me and I can interact with it however I want.  

     If you think about it, it is real. Just because it's not what's in front of you when your eyes are open, doesn't have to mean it's not real. Or just because someone else can't see the same thing, doesn't mean it's not real. Your whole life and your whole reality is basically just what you sense. Whatever you see and feel is your experience within the universe. If you see something different or from a different perspective as someone else, it doesn't mean that one of you is wrong. Neither of you are seeing the "real" thing and neither of you are seeing something that isn't "real." Whatever you see or feel is real even if it doesn't exist to someone else. The way I see it, your perception is your reality and everyone has a different perception, so everyone has a different reality. We all live within one same universe but we also all live within our own universes (which I guess is basically just your life) with our own ideas and perceptions of the universe, if that makes any sense at all. Every person has a unique perception and reality, and everyone's realities (lives) collide with each other and overlap in certain places, yet no two people could ever possibly have the same reality or the same life. 

     Okay, back to the guided meditation that led me to all this. So I was seeing the universe, right? And let me just be clear that no matter how far fetched and crazy this might sound, I was not on drugs at the time of this meditation and I am not on drugs as I am writing this, I promise. I've never done psychedelics or anything that would alter my state of mind to make me think I am in outer space. Meditation is just crazy stuff. Anyway, so I was seeing the universe for the first time ever from somewhere other than the ground on planet Earth. That's insane already because it's totally not possible for me to do that, yet my brain and my eyes were totally convinced that I was. At the same time, I was in a completely calmed state of mind, aware of my entire body. I was equally aware of my big toe touching my next toe as I was of my chest rising and falling or my head resting on my pillow. All of a sudden, the voice in the meditation tells me to picture that I am the universe. It says to picture that I am no longer a human in a body, but rather that I am the infinite universe. You don't have to tell me how crazy that sounds. Just become the universe, just picture that you are the ever-expanding, infinite universe and all it's galaxies and black holes and who knows what else is out there millions and billions of light years away. So I did. Because in that meditative, totally calmed and open state of mind, it didn't seem like an outrageous request. Just become the universe. Okay, if you say so.  

     Obviously, I am a human. I am not the entire universe. I am a very small human on a very small planet in a small solar system in a small galaxy in the gigantic, never ending universe. Yet somehow, as I pictured the universe and I pictured that I was the universe, it was almost like my body floated away. I was no longer aware of the feeling of my toes touching or my chest rising and falling or my head on my pillow. I felt like I went on forever and I had no real form or shape. I felt literally nothing at all. I pictured that I was the universe and I expanded in every direction and I went on forever and ever and ever. So this is what I saw. My eyes were closed but as I thought about it and pictured it, my brain easily provided my visuals and made it real, creating this new reality right in front of me and all around me, except there was really no "me." I wasn't just picturing it, I was seeing it. My reality became the universe. I had no sense of my life or my body or any other thoughts or feelings. Everything I ever knew or felt just kind of floated away and I forgot that it had ever existed to begin with.  

     Eventually, I fell asleep before the end of the meditation. Then I woke up in the morning thinking, "I became the universe. I am the universe," and was definitely aware of how outrageous that seemed. I woke up with a totally different perspective about the world and the more I thought about it, the more it started to make sense until just now, when I could finally put it in words (sort of). Even just writing about and trying to picture what I saw and felt is almost like experiencing it again. Almost. It's mind blowing to even think about it and to see my whole world and my whole reality in a totally different perspective. Right now, I'm in my bed with my laptop on my thighs. I have a knitted blanket around my shoulders and even though I'm looking at my laptop screen and can feel my fingers typing on the keyboard, I can see the walls of my room, the orange sheets underneath me and the light coming from the desk lamp on my dresser. This is my reality at the moment. For all I know, the entire universe might not even exist outside of the confines of the room I am currently in. But as soon as I walk out the door to the kitchen or leave the apartment to take a walk, my reality will expand to those places. Everywhere I go and everything I experience expands my reality to another place or another point of view. While our universe is supposedly expanding, so are each of our realities and there's never any possible endpoint.  

The Truth About Feminism

Feminism is the advocating the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes and promoting gender equality in society. Feminism is not misandry, which is hatred toward men or women wanting power over men in society. These are two terms that I believe have been widely confused by men and women. Society sees "feminism" as a dirty word that has no real value or purpose that was created by angry women. In reality, feminism is an equally important movement for men and women. It not only helps to create more opportunity and equality for women, but it understands the importance of fixing men's issues in society alongside women's. 

Feminism aims to improve the equality between men and women in the job world, in the social world, and in the political world. It aims to empower women to prove that we are capable of accomplishing anything that a man can and that men and women deserve the same respect, while also improving the lives of men rather than condemning them for the actions and beliefs of misogynists. 

Feminism aims to destroy gender stereotypes and roles, allowing women to enjoy sports without being seen as less knowledgeable or allowing men to enjoy knitting without being seen as less of a man. Feminists want men and women to chose their own roles in relationships as well as in life, allowing a man to be a stay at home parent without being looked down on for not being the breadwinner or allowing a woman to hold a high position in a career without being condemned for not staying at home with her children or for not having children at all. Its goal is to end the stereotypes that women must stay in the kitchen cooking and cleaning while the men are out making money and allow every man and woman the chance to do whatever they please within relationships and in the world without criticism from society. 

Destroying the gender roles that have been engrained in society would create more career, social, and political opportunities for both men and women. If women were no longer expected to stay at home or were no longer seen as sexual objects, the jobs that are specifically aimed at attractive women (cocktail waitressing, sexual roles in tv and film, etc) would be opened up to men and more women would be willing to venture into the job world if the opportunities were based on skill rather than gender or attractiveness. The wage gap (which does actually exist and is especially obvious in Hollywood, despite the doubt that is created by the numerous and sometimes difficult to understand factors) could be closed and allow women to work the same jobs for the same amounts of money without trying to take anything away from the men. 

Politics would be able to be opened up for women to be better represented by another woman who understands their experiences and help make informed decisions on women's issues. In the social world, men would no longer have to be the ones to pay for bars and clubs while women are allowed in for free and dating would become more of an equal effort from men and women. 

Feminism aims to destroy the idea that men must be aggressive and strong and controlling in order to be "real" men and the idea that women must be nurturing and sweet and complacent in order to be a "real" woman. Feminism wants to break down the expectations that society holds on men to be masculine and tough all the time. It wants men to be able to speak out about domestic violence from a woman or being sexually assaulted without being seen as weak or just being brushed aside as if it doesn't happen. It wants to acknowledge that, although it happens less often, women can and do rape and abuse men. 

Feminism wants society to stop portraying men as animals that have no control over their sexual urges and stop assuming that women always want sexual attention simply because of the way they dress. It is trying to destroy the idea that sexual assault and harassment toward women is simply a result of "boys being boys" because good men deserve more credit than being generalized as animalistic, sexually out of control beings. It wants both men and women to not become victims of blaming and scrutiny for speaking about sexual attacks that have happened to them. 

Feminism wants all people to be listened to and understood when they choose to come out about assaults so that they can have justice for what they've endured, whether it is a man or a woman. Feminism doesn't assume that all men are evil and misogynistic, but rather that men can be and are good and should not all be condemned for the actions of male rapists and abusers.

Feminism's goal is to create a society where men are taught that expressing their feelings does not make them less of a man and where women are taught that they are strong too. It wants a society where men are no longer taught that "crying is for girls" so that they can actually communicate their feelings and problems and have more successful relationships with women throughout their lives. It wants a society where men aren't expected to to always be the moneymaker of a family and women are able to provide for themselves without expecting a man's support. Feminism wants a society where a woman is seen as an individual before she is seen as a sexual being or a baby maker and where a man and woman can be seen equally as parents and treated fairly in parental or custodial issues.

Feminism is about creating a world of equality, free of prejudice, judgment, or hatred between the sexes.


Read this on the Huffington Post here

How It Feel To Have A Panic Attack

How can you explain to someone that you feel like you might be dying or stuck in a panic forever without sounding completely crazy and having it make some actual sense? It's hard to know exactly what you need when you're having a panic attack, and sometimes it's hard to even accept that you're having one. So in attempt to help people understand what happens during a panic attack (although it differs from person to person), this is the best explanation I've come up with so far:

It's like being engulfed by everything around you, one at a time.

It's like one by one, each and every stimulus around you takes over your mind and body. One by one, a sound or a feeling or a visual will become so engulfing that that one stimulus becomes your entire reality. That one thing becomes every thought that goes through your mind and every physical and emotional feeling you have.

Music seeps in through your ears and gets stuck pounding inside your brain, up against your forehead and against the walls of your seemingly hollow yet incredibly weighted down body. Voices and conversations invade your thoughts and echo themselves over any other thoughts.

Every space condenses itself so small that you become paralyzed inside it. Every space becomes the wrong space to be in and every second the feeling of needing to escape but not knowing where to escape to only worsens.

You can practically see yourself being trapped there as if it's not yourself.

Shaking spreads from your fingers to your toes until your legs wobble so much you can hardly stand. Your chest pounds and your stomach knots until you think you'll either vomit or explode. Tunnels cloud your vision until you can no longer focus or see. Your head feels light, like it's going to float away or fall right off. Your lungs suddenly shrink to half the size and can barely hold enough oxygen to keep you conscious.

Thoughts of being stuck that way forever overpower any rational thought. You don't understand why or how it's happening, but you're sure that there are no possible scenarios where it ends.

You're sure that you're stuck with an insane panic in your body and in your mind forever.

Artists I've Found Through Tumblr

     I spend a lot of time on Tumblr doing pretty much nothing, but one of the main reasons I do is because I follow so many different art blogs. I'm always stumbling across all sorts of great and weird art and inspiration so these are some of my favorite ones at the moment that I think are definitely worth looking at.


BevShots
These are really interesting because they're photos of alcohol through microscopes. Every different kind of alcohol looks different and they're almost like crazy abstract paintings.

Julie Sarloutte
This is a really cool portrait made of embroidery and it's so, so impressive.

Cheuk Lun Lo
This is one of my favorite photography series right now. It's a bunch of people's shampooed heads but when I first saw them, I thought they were some sort of abstract design or something.

Reedus Germanotta
This guy's work is a little bit difficult to explain but I'll try. It's basically photos with moving parts, almost like gifs. You have to look for yourself because they're completely different from anything I've seen.

Klaus Kampert
I love this photographer A LOT. He does all sorts of abstract photos of people's bodies and makes them look like something else completely. One of my favorite projects on this website is the one called Porcelain and it's amazing.

Elicia Edijanto
All this work is a combination of drawing and paintings and they're like black and white silhouettes of nature and animals and they're way, way cool.

Danny Ivan
This guy is a graphic artist and he makes all sorts of really abstract colorful things and they're beautiful.

Gesine Marwedel
This German dude is seriously awesome. He takes these incredible photos of people's painted bodies to look like animals and landscapes.

Why Bo Burnham Is The Best

 

     To begin with, Bo Burnham is just flat out funny. He's clever as hell and honest and makes fun of everything, including himself. He can talk about anything, serious or not, in a lighthearted way and give a new perspective on pretty much any topic. Not to mention, he's an awesome song writer and makes everything ten times more enjoyable by turning it into a song. Basically everything about him is gold, even the fact that he's 6 foot 5 and apparently did nearly perfect on his SAT's, so here's why I love him.

     In his comedy special "What" he addresses the topics of gay marriage, religion, and rape in a song he says is written from the perspective of God. He talks about it in a way that's clear and he doesn't beat around any bushes. He says exactly what he thinks about how it's ridiculous that it has to spelled out that people shouldn't rape and how masturbation is weird but totally okay and how God created gay people but it backfired. He's funny about it and knows that there's a chance people will be offended but says what he wants to say anyway. He's completely honest and straightforward but in an interview at Duke he says that he can stand behind everything he says and that he never sets out to offend anyone. He even says that if someone were to approach him and say that they were offended or hurt by something he said in a performance that he would be apologetic and understanding about it.

     He also never fails to call people out on their bullshit whether it's just someone's beliefs that are totally out of whack or hecklers at his shows or the government or corporations taking advantage of people. In the song "Repeat Stuff" he talks about how music is made to prey on young girls who are "in love" with musicians in order to make money off of them, even though it's overdone and redundant.

     In the song "Sad" he talks about how sad it is that there is racism and sexism and war while also acknowledging that he can't possibly know how that feels because he's a privileged white male who doesn't have to go through any of it.

     He makes fun of himself constantly.

     He's punny. Just watch "I'm Bo Yo" or "New Math" which are some of his older songs from Youtube that are basically just joke after joke and pun after pun.

     He sings nearly everything. He puts all of his jokes and everything he says to some catchy tune on a piano which makes it even better and he's so creative in the way he does it.

     The moral of the story is that Bo Burnham is an awesome, hilarious, smart comedian and musician and you should go watch his videos so you can laugh and be happy and thank me later.

Awesome Mash Up Covers

     I hardly ever come across mash ups of songs that are actual covers that I really like but I've come across a few lately that are worth sharing and here they are with links to the Youtube videos.


Blank Space/Style by Louisa Wendorff

This one is super popular and Taylor Swift herself tweeted it, so if you haven't seen it yet, you need to.

Cool kids/riptide by Less is More and The Queen and King

Home/Dirty Paws by the Gardiner Sisters

Love Story/Viva la Vida by Tanner Townsend

This is a little different than the others and there aren't vocals but it's awesome and I feel like I could play it in the background of my life forever and always feel good.

We Can't Stop/Price Tag by Megan and Jaclyn Davies

Taylor Swift 1989 by Sam Tsui and Kurt Schneider 

This is every song on Taylor Swift's 1989 album and it's incredible and so impressive.

What I've Been Listening To

     All of the music here is on Spotify because I've given up on any other form of listening to music now that I have Premium. Some of it is lesser known stuff that I've gotten into and some is really well known that I just really like so I recommend giving them a listen.


Alt-J

I am completely OBSESSED with the Lido remix of Left Hand Free.

Chiddy Bang

Every song by Chiddy Bang is guaranteed to make me happy.

Hoodie Allen

Make It Home featuring Kina Grannis is one of my new favorite songs along with Fame Is For Assholes featuring Chiddy.

What So Not

I'm obsessed with High You Are (obviously) and every remix of it plus Love Theme is one of my favorites.

Portugal. The Man

I could honestly listen to the song "Sea of Air" for days at a time and not get tired of it, and I do.

Peter Bjorn and John

Apparently their music has been on Grey's Anatomy and in the movie 21, which I did not know until just now. I haven't listened to a ton of their music yet, but I have yet to find any that I don't love.

Walk the Moon

The Live from Spotify version of Anna Sun is really awesome.

Wild Belle

I have the entire album "Isles" saved on my Spotify and I don't ever remember adding it or listening to it. But I really like the album now and Spotify calls them folk, dance, reggae, psychedelic rock-tinged indie pop, which is a bit of a mouthful and kind of weird. It's good though, I promise.

The Lushlife Project

I always find myself falling asleep and waking up to the song "Wurlitzer." It's really relaxing and kind of reminds me of Nosaj Thing.

Zhu

I first heard Zhu because 3lau used the song "Faded" in a mash up and since then I just love all the songs on The Nightday EP.

Why I'm Leaving Syracuse

 

       So recently I've been having a lot of problems with financial aid (as always) and this time, it just seemed like there was no coming back from it. A lot was being expected of me that I couldn't possibly pay and although it ended up working out and I was given the aid I need to stay here, it gave me some insight into Syracuse and made me realize that this might not be the right place for me right now. Throughout the whole hassle of Syracuse telling me that I needed to pay them thousands and thousands of dollars before I could register for any classes, otherwise leave my on-campus apartment and go home, I started thinking about where I want to be in my life right now and Syracuse just isn't it. I realized that I was no longer fighting to be here and once I realized that, it was pretty obvious that I just don't want to be here as much as I used to. I found myself hoping that I'd end up somewhere else and that's basically what made me decide to leave.

     Before, it was worth working all the time and being completely broke because this was exactly what I wanted and I loved it. Now, it's just a lot of work and for something that I really could live without. I love Syracuse to death and I was excited to finally be in Newhouse but I was using Newhouse to keep me here. I was hoping that once I was in Newhouse that everything would be better and I'd be happier here and it just didn't happen like that. Everything seemed to be going even better than usual plus I found a steady job that's perfect for me and even with all that, I still didn't feel like this is where I need to be.

     I've invested a lot of time and effort and money into being here, so it's hard to just leave after everything I've done to be here, but I also am not going to spend any more time or money being somewhere I don't absolutely love being. If something isn't making me happy then I'm not going to continue doing it. I refuse to spend two and a half years working my ass off to be able to barely afford a college that I don't want to be at when I could be working my ass of somewhere that's perfect for me.

     I thought about it a lot and I talked it over with several different people, and most of them seem to agree that I don't seem to be interested in being here like I used to be. I don't think it's a bad thing, I just think I've done everything I can here and now it's time to move on. It sucks that it didn't work out but realistically, I don't even like the east coast. I hate the cold, I don't like snow, I have no desire anymore to live in New York, and paying for air fare back and forth might as well kill me. That used to all be trivial and I didn't care because I loved being here more than anything but now it makes a huge difference. I still love Syracuse, I just don't want to be here enough for it to be worth it. There isn't enough making me happy to keep me here. I think I could be a hundred times happier and more satisfied somewhere else so that's what I plan to do.

Ranking Of All The Concerts I've Seen

Going to concerts is one of my all time favorite things to do and I wish I could go to every single show I hear of, but unfortunately, my bank account and my school schedule don't really allow that. I've been to some great shows regardless and I've been to some decent ones and these are them.


1. Flume

I went to this one kind of spur of the moment with a couple friends and I am so glad I did. It was in a huge indoor space and there were different levels and I was right in the middle of the floor and there were about a million people, by my estimate. The lights and everything about it was just amazing.

2. Weezer

I went to Weezer at the Mandalay Bay beach pool and got to just sit in the sand and hang out in the water while they performed and they were great, of course. It was the chillest, most easy going show I've been to.

3. Iggy Azalea

I've never been as excited for a show as I was to see Iggy. I had planned it months in advance and went with a friend who was just as in love with her as I was and it was on the rooftop Cosmopolitan pool on the strip. Although she made us wait two hours before she finally came out, her performance was well worth the wait. The whole thing was choreographed very specifically and it worked so well and was just so entertaining the whole time.

4. Blink-182

I saw them also at the rooftop pool and they not only played amazingly and played all of my favorite songs, but they were funny and interacted with the crowd a lot and Travis Barker played an insane drum solo.

5. 3lau

I saw 3lau at Juice Jam, which is a music festival that Syracuse holds every year. I had never heard of him before the announcement of him playing Juice Jam, but I love him now. It was outdoors in the middle of the day with thousands of other students and my friends and he got the crowd involved so much throughout the show. I also learned that the pronunciation is "Blau" which is his last name.

6. Sum 41

They played Extreme Thing a while back which is a big music festival in Las Vegas and they played toward the end of the day in a big open field. I stayed near the back but even from far away it was still cool. They were just coming out with a new album at the time so they played a lot of new stuff, but they still played some of the more familiar songs and it was awesome hearing the stuff I had been listening to for years.

7. Broods

This was another one I saw at Juice Jam and I loved them. They played the smaller stage and there weren't a ton of people, but they performed so well and were personal with the crowd and it was just a really good show overall.

8. Schoolboy Q (and Tinashe)

Yet another performance from Juice Jam. Although I wasn't really familiar with a lot of his stuff, everyone loved him and he got really personal with the crowd between songs. Tinashe did one song with him which was the best part, if you ask me, because I just love her and her voice. 

9. Childish Gambino

This one was another that was at the Cosmopolitan pool and quite a few of my friends went. I wasn't/still am not the biggest Gambino fan so I didn't know some of the songs, but he still played a great show and was really energetic and funny.

10. Goldlink

This one I saw for five dollars without having any clue who they were and just decided to go anyway. There were hardly any people but I was pleasantly surprised because the main guy was really energetic and got involved in the crowd and knew how to get everyone excited.

11. ASAP Ferg

He performed at Mayfest, which was during the day outdoors at Syracuse which is basically a big party, so it was a lot of fun. I don't listen to him, and I barely knew who he was at the time, but people were really into it.

12. Dillon Francis

Also at Juice Jam, he was not my favorite. The music was good and it was a lot of fun but it was at the end of the day when I was tiring out and he didn't engage the crowd at all.

13. Trippy Turtle

This guy played with Goldlink and I had never heard of him before. He was a little strange, but the music was cool and different and you could tell he was having a great time.

My Favorite Song Covers

     Narrowing this down to ten was quite the challenge because there are so many covers that I love, but these are the best of them so far. Some of them are really slow and soft and some are a little more upbeat. I found most, if not all of them, on Spotify and I highly recommend listening to all of them.

1. Seven Nation Army by Zella Day

I think I've posted this song in another list but I LOVE this cover so much it hurts. It's easily my favorite cover of any song ever.

2. Toxic by Yeal Naim

3. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by STRFKR

4. You're The One That I Want by Lo-Fang

5. Bulletproof by Melanie Martinez

Her song, Carousel is the theme song for AHS Freakshow and her covers are seriously just wonderful. She also has a cover of Skinny Love by Bon Iver and one for Toxic by Britney Spears that I love.

6. Come As You Are by Yuna

7. Addicted to Love by Florence and the Machine

8. Tainted Love by Hannah Peel

9. I Shot The Sheriff by N.A.S.A and Karen O.

This one is really interesting. I don't really know how to explain in a way that will do it any justice but it's pretty upbeat and very different from the original.

10. What Is Love by Kiesza

What "Frequencies" Taught Me About the Law of Attraction

   

 
     So I recently watched a movie called "Frequencies." It's on Netflix and my step mom picked it out, completely oblivious to what it was about or how entertaining it would be. Basically, this movie portrays a world where every individual emits a different frequency which determines their level of success and luck and happiness in life. The higher the frequency, the better the life and the more nature works to please that person. In the movie, a boy with an abnormally low frequency, in the negatives, occasionally meets with a girl with an unusually high frequency, above one hundred. Each time they meet, nature conflicts with itself in attempt to please her high frequency and disrupt him because of his low frequency and strange things happen such as thunderstorms or baggage falling from a plane flying overhead.

     The whole movie is based on the concept of the law of attraction. Basically what that is, is the idea that energies attract similar energies. For example, a very negative person with typically negative thoughts would attract negative things to happen to them while a person with a positive outlook and generally positive thoughts would attract better outcomes. It's the idea that the universe basically gives people what they are expecting. What you put out into the universe is what you get back.

     Up until recently, none of this made any sort of sense to me. I watched "Frequencies" without any idea that it was an interpretation of the law of attraction and even when I started to understand that, I still thought it made little sense. After all, how could a few negative or positive thoughts change the outcome of a situation that has so many different contributing factors in the world outside of the confines of my mind?

     It wasn't until I began making an active effort to have a positive attitude and more positive thoughts toward everyday occurrences that I started to notice how it could possibly be true. As soon as I made the decision to complain less, meditate more, and have a positive attitude toward situations that are less than ideal, things seemed to go more smoothly. A lot of people may just chalk that up to coincidence, but that just doesn't satisfy me. It only makes sense that someone who goes through their day moping and complaining will only find even more to complain about while someone who sees that things happen for a reason and believes that they can have a positive outcome will find more to be happy about.

     I noticed that as soon as I allow myself worry about something, it begins to take over all my thoughts. Worrying only leads to more worrying, so instead of allowing those thoughts and anxieties to plant themselves in my mind, I replaced them with more positive things. Rather than worrying about whether I'll get into all the classes I want, I think about how exciting it will be once I get to go to them. Rather than laying in bed worrying whether I'll be able to fully afford my school, I think about how grateful I am to be here and have a job that helps me pay for it. The more I can replace my negative thoughts with positive ones, the better I feel, the more soundly I sleep, and the happier I wake up.

     I also have started to notice how other people's reactions and attitudes seem to determine their mood and the outcomes of their lives every day. When people I'm around complain constantly and spend their time speaking badly of others, their days seem to end on a bad note and they end up in a worse mood than they started in. On the other hand, When a friend of mine spends their day sharing with me the things they are happy about and reassuring me about any concerns, they are far happier than the people who spend their time complaining.

     These people even have an effect on my mood as long as I am around them and sometimes long after. So rather than indulging myself in complaints and judgments and inviting that negativity into my life, it only makes more sense to surround myself with positivity and people who will contribute to my happiness rather than hindering it.

     Just like in the movie "Frequencies," what each person emits into the universe is what they receive back. The only difference being that, in our world, we get to choose the energy we give off and determine what the universe gives back.

Winter Break

     Winter break is the biggest relief of every year right next to summer, of course. I get to go home and spend a month doing absolutely nothing with my friends (aside from when I actually get to work) and don't have to worry about anything. It's a relief, of course, but I always seem to find myself being completely bombarded with text messages and phone calls and tweets from people I haven't seen or talked to in months who think that me being home means that I have to see everyone I was ever friends with. 

     

     People demand to see me and get upset if I can't or don't want to make the time for them. After a while it starts to feel like it's not really even up to me who I spend my time with. It's like people think it's just my duty to please them and to spend time with them and if I don't then I'm being a bad friend or I've "changed" since being away at school. That's just not the case and it's unfair of people to just expect me to divvy up my time and energy so that everyone gets their fair share. People who don't talk to me for months while I'm away suddenly think it's my obligation to spend time with them, and that's just not the case. I'm going to spend my time with the people I think are worth spending my time with. I'm going to spend my time with the people who attempt to keep in contact with me while I'm across the country, not just anyone who decides I "should" see them since I can. 

     People don't seem to understand that my life is completely different. Every time I come back to Vegas, everyone wants to just continue on as if I never left, but the fact is that I did. I spend most of my year in New York and I don't come home just to come back to the same drama and the same problems and the same bullshit that I never cared about in the first place. Things change and although it might seem like things are back to the way they were when I'm back, they aren't. I have a completely different life and different priorities and different interests. I'm not that interested in hearing about who's dating who or who's doing what drugs because it really doesn't affect me anymore and it really never did. I don't really have any desire to do the same things I was doing in high school because I hated it. I left for a reason and it wasn't so that I could come back to the exact same things I tried to leave behind. 

Sexual Assault On College Campuses

     I used to not have a problem with Greek life, I actually at one point considered joining a sorority. Up until recently, my personal issues with Greek life were really just my opinion and not anything major that I thought was actually negatively affecting people on a large scale. There's been a lot of attention brought to the UVA incident that Rolling Stone published in which a girl named Jackie came forward with the account of how she was gang raped at a frat party. It's been found that there are some possible discrepancies with her story and Rolling Stone apologized for not fact-checking or interviewing any of the men accused.

     While I agree that Rolling Stone should've probably looked into the facts more, their apology completely discredited Jackie and the seriousness of what happened to her. Although the details may not be completely true, she still was definitely sexually assaulted and interviewing the rapists in any case is likely to cause them to target or torment the victim for coming forward. Also, it's not likely that anyone who is called for their account of a rape they committed would actually admit to what they did.

     Jackie's roommate told Huffington Post that at the time Jackie says she was sexually assaulted, she was "distraught" and even left school early and rescheduled all of her exams to be taken later, meanwhile it is being completely denied that anybody ever hurt her. While she may not have been completely truthful about who did it, only a small percentage (although it is not positively known exactly what it is) of rape accusations are false. Rape victims are 3 times more likely to be depressed and 6 times more likely to have PTSD so it's impossible to know what kind of damage has been caused by the sexual assault Jackie experienced, whether or not it is the story she's telling. It also doesn't change the fact that sexual assault is a huge problem on college campuses and in Greek life. People seem to be looking for reasons to discredit her story and bring attention away from sexual assault issues.

     This whole story has brought tons of attention to the issue of sexual assault, and rightfully so. At UVA, students who have admitted to sexual assault have only been suspended for a year or two, while anyone who has cheated has been expelled immediately. Of course academic integrity is important, but why is it more important to punish cheating students than it is to punish rapists? So many colleges are sending the message to students that cheating is wrong but sexual assault is just fine.

     The Fraternity and Sorority Political Action Committee (FSPAC), the National Panhellenic Conference (NPC), and the North-American Interfraternity Conference (NIC) released a statement saying that all Greek life at UVA should be reinstated and that the Rolling Stone article and accusations by Jackie have undermined "true victims" from stepping forward, because Jackie is not considered to be a real victim simply because the facts of her case have not been fully discovered yet. Again, more victim blaming is taking place.

     This pretty much just highlights the fact that people tend to just look the other way when it comes to sexual assault accusations and not only at UVA. Even at Syracuse, I personally know girls who have been drugged at frat parties or the houses of sports teams. Friends of mine in sororities have told me that they've been warned by the person who arranges their social events with frats to not take their drinks because they'll probably have drugs in them. Yet again, boys are being excused for drugging and possibly attempting to rape girls while girls are being warned of it and blamed if they accept a drink. How in the hell are we still blaming victims for what happens to them when the guys drugging and raping girls should be the ones blamed for what's happening?

     There are so many instances of fraternities drugging their drinks that are widely known on campus, yet nobody cares to do anything about it. What I don't understand is why people, in sororities or not, are choosing to go to parties at houses where they know the boys are going to attempt to drug and sexually assault them. We shouldn't be continuing to allow them to do this and supporting it by showing up to their houses and acting like what they're doing isn't disgustingly wrong. It makes no sense that people are turning the other cheek and pretending like it's not a big deal. None of these people are being held responsible for anything they do or even being acknowledged for the things they're doing wrong.

     It's so clear that all of this is happening, yet the university won't even acknowledge it and neither will the FSPAC, NPC, or NIC. Everything seems to just be brushed under the rug whether it's drugging drinks, sexual assault, or hazing even though everyone on campus knows it's happening. People are being hurt mentally, sexually, and physically and nobody even cares in the slightest bit. It's really sad to know that the university I love and call my home would probably do nothing to help me if I were ever sexually assaulted. It's hard to feel safe on a campus where some of the frats and sports teams are drugging girls at parties and are not even being looked at for what they're doing. It's unfair that my school won't even protect me or any of its students who could be hurt or assaulted, yet is protecting the ones who are attempting to drug or rape.

     People seem to forget that sex is rape if one party doesn't consent. If a girl is drunk or drugged and has sex, she CANNOT consent. It IS rape. Whether it's attempted or actually happens, it needs to be acknowledged by students, the university, and the police. People need to start being held responsible for their wrongdoings and people need to start caring that the people we associate with and are surrounded by are, in fact, doing things that are wrong.

10 Songs I Recently Discovered On Spotify

     I basically collect any playlists on Spotify that I think even sound moderately good and I spend way too much time searching through them so all of these songs are songs I've found on my indie and alternative playlists that I really enjoy and I thought I'd share.


1. The Suburbs by Mr Little Jeans

2. Gooey by Glass Animals

3. Que Sera by Wax Tailor

4. Delta by C2C

5. Polishing peanuts by Deluxe and Cyph4

6. Safe and Sound (Zion-I Remix) by Rebelution

7. Space is Only Noise if You Can See by Nicholas Jaar

8. High and Low by EZA

9. The Party Line by Belle and Sebastian

10. Gasoline by Alpine

My GPA Does Not Define Me

     One problem with our society is that we determine a persons worth by their level of education and what each of us thinks is a quality education. Peoples characters are judged based on their GPA which is supposed to be a reflection of their work ethic and how smart they are but it really isn't. College kids complain about how tests aren't a good way to evaluate what they've learned or how much they've actually absorbed and been able to use from a class, yet they continue to judge each other based off them. We all complain about how society places our worth next to our GPA or how prestigious our college is, yet we all judge the people who go to schools we think are below ours and we judge people who's GPA's are lower than ours. We all complain about society yet we are one of the main contributing sources.

     None of us want to be judged solely off of our grades or how well we can do math problems or regurgitate random facts, yet we think it's a good way to judge other people. No one who goes to a community college is below anyone who goes to a big university and we can't possibly know what valuable things people are learning from schools we don't go to. Some of the most uninformed, close minded people I've met go to high ranking colleges along with some of the most open and intelligent people I've met. At the same time, some of the most innovative, open minded people I know go to community colleges or lesser known schools. It's impossible to know a person or how intelligent they actually are just from looking at their school and their grades.

     Most of the time, going to a big, fancy school actually doesn't say anything about you. Saying I go to Syracuse University says that I tolerate cold weather and I probably like the color orange. It doesn't tell you that I'm creative and open and passionate. It doesn't tell you all the work I put in to get here and the work I put in to be able to stay here. I could tell you my GPA tends to float around a 3.5 and that I've taken anthropology and that I don't do well in math classes but that doesn't tell you anything I've learned in my three semesters here. It tells you I'm probably not very good with numbers and that I know a thing or two about culture. That's not much to go off. You could never possibly know how good I am at photography or how smart I actually am when applying things to the real world if all you're looking at is my GPA or my test scores.

     Test grades can't tell you what I learned from a class, they can only tell how much fact I retained. They don't tell you what I learned about the world or myself or how that course connected with other subjects or parts of my life, which are much more valuable than how well I can memorize names and numbers. You don't get credit for understanding concepts or ideas if you don't get the facts perfectly right and you don't get credit for understanding a process or reasoning if you don't do the calculations perfectly every single time. You don't receive any recognition for the things you understand beyond the facts or actually applying things you've learned to your life. Meanwhile, you get punished for not being able to memorize specific data. Instead of getting the chance to actually demonstrate what you took away from a class and the value of what you learned, you get judged based on how many bubbles you filled in correctly. Then, instead of getting a chance to show your skills and how valuable you can be, you become the number that is your GPA.

Food Is Not The Enemy

   

     
     People are constantly so concerned with what they're eating and how much they're eating and how healthy they're being without really knowing what that means. It seems to me that people have a very misconstrued idea about what "healthy" means. I see lots of people who think that being healthy means only eating salads and vegetables all day or that they can only eat tiny portions and only eat a couple times a day, which is not good and not enough. Many people don't seem to understand that not eating enough can be just as bad as eating too much and that avoiding food is not a good route to go. I'm not claiming to be an expert on health or nutrition but I have learned a thing or two.

     Food is not a bad thing. Food is not our enemy or something we should be avoiding. We shouldn't be avoiding cravings and refusing to give into our hunger for fear of gaining weight. We should be paying attention and realizing that if we are craving something, it's because our body is missing something and that if we are hungry, it's because our bodies need food. Food is our fuel and we need all different kinds of it to function correctly.

     Cutting out carbs altogether or refusing to eat sweets or some specific food is only going to make you crave it more. Sweets are not evil and if you want a cookie once in a while, you shouldn't be ashamed to eat one. We shouldn't be afraid of food or what we're eating because we think it has too many calories or is too fattening. We should look at food as a good thing because it is literally what sustains our bodies and our lives. Not eating well or not eating enough can affect so many different things in your body in a negative way. It can make you more tired or throw off your sleeping or make you feel out of energy all the time. It can be just as unhealthy or worse than eating too much.

     Our bodies actually need carbs and fat and sugar and people seem to think that these are all horrible things that they should avoid at all costs, but that's just not the case. It's frustrating to watch people deprive their bodies of what they actually need to function. Obviously I'm not saying that you should just eat whatever you want all the time regardless of whether it has nutritional value or is horrible for you, but I'm saying that anything is fine in moderation. Having a cookie once is not going to make you gain five pounds and neither is eating a burger as long as it's not all the time. Not every meal needs to be the most healthy meal you've ever eaten.

     People tend to think that they need to diet in order to be healthy or thin, but that's not the case. Eating less than the amount of calories that your bodies needs is dieting and it's unhealthy. When you under eat, you're depriving your body of the nutrients it needs to function and slowing your metabolism so when you eat normally, you'll only end up weighing more than you did originally. Everyone has a different body that has a different natural weight that it's going to be and you can only change it so much without hurting yourself.

     One thing that people seem to never take into account is that muscle weighs more than fat and it also burns more calories than fat. That means that you can gain weight by gaining muscle and it does not mean that you're getting fat. I know tons of girls that are afraid to work out because they don't want to see the number on the scale raise but it's because they don't understand that gaining weight is not a bad thing when you're gaining muscle. Weight is just the amount of gravity pushing down on your body and means nothing compared to the actual state of your health. How working out and eating is affecting your body should be the focus rather than how it's affecting the number on the scale. That number doesn't tell you how much of that weight is from fat or from muscle or from anything else and it can be easily misconstrued as gaining fat when it's actually not.

     Of course, over eating and having a terrible diet will result in gaining fat but if you eat normally and healthily and provide your body with what it needs without indulging too much, you'll sit at a normal weight and that will be different from someone else's normal weight. Not everyone will be tiny because not everyone has a fast metabolism and trying to diet your way to a different body won't work. Depriving your body in order to change its appearance won't do you any favors in the long run and people don't seem to understand that. The only way to actually make a long term difference is to eat healthy and exercise. It's really that simple. There's no secret diet or cleanse that will make you lose all your extra weight in a week because that's unhealthy and unsustainable.

     The only real secret, which - surprise - is actually common sense and is that you should eat healthy. That means actually eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner (even snacks) and eating protein and vegetables and carbs and fruits and fat and everything else. Eating fat and having fat is not bad. You actually need fat on your body because without it you would not be alive. Our bodies are not meant to live off of salad forever and we aren't meant to have zero fat and perfectly flat stomachs. Some people have naturally higher metabolisms or flatter stomachs while others don't or have curvier bodies and no person's body is better than another one. People need to stop thinking in terms of weight and fat and restrictions and start thinking in terms of their health and being satisfied and actually feeling good for a change.