Why I'm Leaving Syracuse

 

       So recently I've been having a lot of problems with financial aid (as always) and this time, it just seemed like there was no coming back from it. A lot was being expected of me that I couldn't possibly pay and although it ended up working out and I was given the aid I need to stay here, it gave me some insight into Syracuse and made me realize that this might not be the right place for me right now. Throughout the whole hassle of Syracuse telling me that I needed to pay them thousands and thousands of dollars before I could register for any classes, otherwise leave my on-campus apartment and go home, I started thinking about where I want to be in my life right now and Syracuse just isn't it. I realized that I was no longer fighting to be here and once I realized that, it was pretty obvious that I just don't want to be here as much as I used to. I found myself hoping that I'd end up somewhere else and that's basically what made me decide to leave.

     Before, it was worth working all the time and being completely broke because this was exactly what I wanted and I loved it. Now, it's just a lot of work and for something that I really could live without. I love Syracuse to death and I was excited to finally be in Newhouse but I was using Newhouse to keep me here. I was hoping that once I was in Newhouse that everything would be better and I'd be happier here and it just didn't happen like that. Everything seemed to be going even better than usual plus I found a steady job that's perfect for me and even with all that, I still didn't feel like this is where I need to be.

     I've invested a lot of time and effort and money into being here, so it's hard to just leave after everything I've done to be here, but I also am not going to spend any more time or money being somewhere I don't absolutely love being. If something isn't making me happy then I'm not going to continue doing it. I refuse to spend two and a half years working my ass off to be able to barely afford a college that I don't want to be at when I could be working my ass of somewhere that's perfect for me.

     I thought about it a lot and I talked it over with several different people, and most of them seem to agree that I don't seem to be interested in being here like I used to be. I don't think it's a bad thing, I just think I've done everything I can here and now it's time to move on. It sucks that it didn't work out but realistically, I don't even like the east coast. I hate the cold, I don't like snow, I have no desire anymore to live in New York, and paying for air fare back and forth might as well kill me. That used to all be trivial and I didn't care because I loved being here more than anything but now it makes a huge difference. I still love Syracuse, I just don't want to be here enough for it to be worth it. There isn't enough making me happy to keep me here. I think I could be a hundred times happier and more satisfied somewhere else so that's what I plan to do.

My GPA Does Not Define Me

     One problem with our society is that we determine a persons worth by their level of education and what each of us thinks is a quality education. Peoples characters are judged based on their GPA which is supposed to be a reflection of their work ethic and how smart they are but it really isn't. College kids complain about how tests aren't a good way to evaluate what they've learned or how much they've actually absorbed and been able to use from a class, yet they continue to judge each other based off them. We all complain about how society places our worth next to our GPA or how prestigious our college is, yet we all judge the people who go to schools we think are below ours and we judge people who's GPA's are lower than ours. We all complain about society yet we are one of the main contributing sources.

     None of us want to be judged solely off of our grades or how well we can do math problems or regurgitate random facts, yet we think it's a good way to judge other people. No one who goes to a community college is below anyone who goes to a big university and we can't possibly know what valuable things people are learning from schools we don't go to. Some of the most uninformed, close minded people I've met go to high ranking colleges along with some of the most open and intelligent people I've met. At the same time, some of the most innovative, open minded people I know go to community colleges or lesser known schools. It's impossible to know a person or how intelligent they actually are just from looking at their school and their grades.

     Most of the time, going to a big, fancy school actually doesn't say anything about you. Saying I go to Syracuse University says that I tolerate cold weather and I probably like the color orange. It doesn't tell you that I'm creative and open and passionate. It doesn't tell you all the work I put in to get here and the work I put in to be able to stay here. I could tell you my GPA tends to float around a 3.5 and that I've taken anthropology and that I don't do well in math classes but that doesn't tell you anything I've learned in my three semesters here. It tells you I'm probably not very good with numbers and that I know a thing or two about culture. That's not much to go off. You could never possibly know how good I am at photography or how smart I actually am when applying things to the real world if all you're looking at is my GPA or my test scores.

     Test grades can't tell you what I learned from a class, they can only tell how much fact I retained. They don't tell you what I learned about the world or myself or how that course connected with other subjects or parts of my life, which are much more valuable than how well I can memorize names and numbers. You don't get credit for understanding concepts or ideas if you don't get the facts perfectly right and you don't get credit for understanding a process or reasoning if you don't do the calculations perfectly every single time. You don't receive any recognition for the things you understand beyond the facts or actually applying things you've learned to your life. Meanwhile, you get punished for not being able to memorize specific data. Instead of getting the chance to actually demonstrate what you took away from a class and the value of what you learned, you get judged based on how many bubbles you filled in correctly. Then, instead of getting a chance to show your skills and how valuable you can be, you become the number that is your GPA.

Setting The Bar Too High, As Always

     I've always thought that it's best to have high standards. I've always thought that the higher my expectations are for myself, the more I'll achieve. It's always been as if allowing myself to settle for average is the same as failing. I've always thought that being mediocre would make me insignificant. Having the bar set high is not a bad thing and it's not that I shouldn't have high goals and expectations for myself.

     The issue is that I'm unrealistic in what I expect. My bar is set so high that I can't possibly reach it. I expect myself to put everything I can possibly fit onto my plate and succeed at all of it. I don't ever allow myself to be just a student. I have to be a student with a high GPA talking upper level classes while also working a few days a week and taking on extracurriculars.

     I find myself struggling to figure out where my priorities lay and what I should be most concerned with spending my time on. I end up running myself into the ground and using up all the energy I have just to do the bare minimum. I put too much pressure on myself to the point where it starts to affect me physically. I sleep too little or too much and I lose all my energy and motivation.

     It's to the point where I only have a few weeks left until the end of the semester and I don't have a clue how I'm going to get through. I'd like to be able to say I had a strong finish, but it's not looking that way. It's beginning to feel helpless because I'm unsure of how to bounce back and succeed like I had originally planned without dropping anything off my plate. At this point it seems like my only option is to float somewhere around average and hopefully remember not to overload myself with work next semester.

The Best Things About College

There are about a million things I could talk about that I love about being in college because college is just great, but these are my favorites.


1. BEING ON MY OWN

That's one that's pretty obvious, but I love being on my own and being away from my parents' house. I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and cook my own meals and make my own schedules.

2. Being able to walk or take a bus anywhere I need to go

I always hated not being able to get around Vegas when I didn't have a car. Everything was so far away but everything on campus is so close together and even off campus is easy to get around because of busses and nothing is really too far to walk.

3. I've learned to cook!

I used to be the worst cook in the entire world. Before living on my own and being forced to cook all my meals, I didn't know how to make anything. Now, I make whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it and I don't have to wait for mom to cook dinner. I get to buy my own groceries and if I want to eat Triscuits and hummus all day long, I can.

4. I learn!

I LOVE learning. I love being able to pick the classes I take and learn only what I'm interested in. Aside from class, I learn tons about life and general stuff outside of class just from being on a college campus surrounded by people in a hundred other majors.

5. Living in dorms

Although I live in an on campus apartment currently, I absolutely loved living in a residence hall my first year. I met so many people just from my floor and from other floors in my building. There was always someone to hang out with or talk to when I was bored, plus we had a dining hall in our building so I never even had to really get dressed to go eat. (Also there was a Starbucks right next to our building)

6. Having no one to worry about but myself

I love not having to think about anyone else when I make my decisions. That sounds selfish, but college is the time to be selfish. I don't have to consider my parents when I decide what classes to take (because I pay for college myself) and I don't have to worry about making my schedule fit with anyone else's. I'm here for myself, so I only worry about myself.

7. I have to learn from my own mistakes

This doesn't sound that great, but it's a good thing. Every mistake I make, I learn from immediately. There's no one around to tell me I shouldn't eat a whole box of Oreos in a day or that I shouldn't pregame too hard before going out, but those are things I learn from immediately and don't do again. At least not for a little while.

8. I don't get stuck being around people I hate

If I don't like someone, I'm not forced to see them every day. People I don't like, I just don't see. There's nothing forcing me to spend time around people I don't enjoy being around and I don't have to pretend to like anyone I don't actually like.