I've always thought that it's best to have high standards. I've always thought that the higher my expectations are for myself, the more I'll achieve. It's always been as if allowing myself to settle for average is the same as failing. I've always thought that being mediocre would make me insignificant. Having the bar set high is not a bad thing and it's not that I shouldn't have high goals and expectations for myself.
The issue is that I'm unrealistic in what I expect. My bar is set so high that I can't possibly reach it. I expect myself to put everything I can possibly fit onto my plate and succeed at all of it. I don't ever allow myself to be just a student. I have to be a student with a high GPA talking upper level classes while also working a few days a week and taking on extracurriculars.
I find myself struggling to figure out where my priorities lay and what I should be most concerned with spending my time on. I end up running myself into the ground and using up all the energy I have just to do the bare minimum. I put too much pressure on myself to the point where it starts to affect me physically. I sleep too little or too much and I lose all my energy and motivation.
It's to the point where I only have a few weeks left until the end of the semester and I don't have a clue how I'm going to get through. I'd like to be able to say I had a strong finish, but it's not looking that way. It's beginning to feel helpless because I'm unsure of how to bounce back and succeed like I had originally planned without dropping anything off my plate. At this point it seems like my only option is to float somewhere around average and hopefully remember not to overload myself with work next semester.